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Thoughts of Today’s To-Do List?

Morning-

  • “It’s 6:30AM, am I up too early or too late? If I want to be a serious woman, with those tight abs and buns of steel then it’s safe to say that it’s too late.
  • What am I hoping to do today?
  • 20 minutes before I’ve gotta get little Miss up for school. Maybe I should just lay here, talk to God for 20 minutes? Oh, she’s already awake, well maybe she can wake me up in 20 minutes.
  • Since I’m laying here maybe I should think about being grateful today. Sure I could complain about any number of things (housing prices, upside down mortgages, bills, more bills, unemployment, bad marriages, mine in particular, decline in quality of neighbors as a result of housing market, U.S. education etc…), but I’m deciding that being happy is so much better than worrying and being ungrateful and plus I see first hand what complaining can do to a young, ill-equipped  life, so I’m focused on being happy today.
  • 6:15 AM– Wow, let me deal with all of the pieces of paper on my desk…Paper, paper there is always paper. My Mom is still trying to organize paper from 20 years ago. In such a technological era why is there still so much paper? 
  • Gotta brush my teeth, heading into the “master bedroom”, after-all I now reside in the guest bedroom, I wonder if he’ll speak this morning? Yup, I see that we (that would be me and the Mr.X) are still in a place of monumental immaturity/ insecurity/ impossibility, and no where close to being on speaking terms.
  • Brushing my teeth- Has it been two minutes? I need to avoid cavities, why have one more reason for one more filling, and one more bill? Why is he shaving his head again? Does he not want hair? Or is that his I’m thinking single look? Well done with that, hum still nothing from his mouth, oh well, what the hell. Still happy, still grateful, still singing.
  • Breakfast– Am I giving my 13-year-old enough healthy options so that she can maximize her energy and I don’t have to hear, “I was soooooo hungry today”?
  • Good, got her off to school now time to focus on me, oh no not yet I have to walk the dog, after-all I didn’t walk the track today and I have to get in some exercise right? Trying to keep away bad cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, the big three, gotta walk for the cause…Goodness I really want my morning coffee.
  • Walking the dog– She sniffs everything, she’s a good dog but wasn’t she supposed to be my daughter’s responsibility? I feel less than human, I feel like an ass, having to bend down to grab dog shit in front of my community while all these cars pass by on their way to work. Work, rush hour, I’m supposed to be a part of rush hour, why am I home? Oh that’s right, there was a purpose behind it at first.
  • Walking– why am I wearing these tight yoga pants? Granted since I’ve been walking more my ass doesn’t seem to shake as much, but is it me thinking that it’s tighter while it’s really big as hell to everyone else?

Could it be possible that I am battling with body dysmorphia? Probably not, although I do have some work to do.

Finally got the coffee! In front of the computer where it’s about to go down! Why in the hell does this thing keep shutting down? Sh–t, I have too much stored on here. What could be on here? I don’t watch or store porn, I don’t have nude pictures of me or any of my Celebrity crushes, what is it too many words? This would be something I could ask my husband but alas we aren’t speaking…Speaking of which I really want a companion, no stop thinking that, after-all I always said being on my own again would never mean instantly hooking up with someone new, but would be an opportunity to discover me again. Me, oh remember to write out the title for a post called; “I had to lose myself to discover me” for my other blog. Damn it where’s my note pad? Probably somewhere with the other 20 notepads I have, with all the other papers upstairs. Yes, got to finish sorting the papers.

Afternoon-

  • Oh God, the clothes, remember that I’ve gotta finish folding the clothes; Shit folding, washing, finding, walking, sorting, reading, working, doing, sleep, breathe, cook, clean, peel, chop, mince,  make list, get, buy, coupon, coupons,Target, Fresh Market, cheaper, cheaper, turn-on, turn-off, pay tuition, pay mortgage, drop off, pick up, answer friend’s calls -text- FB- Tweet, tweet, tweet, listen, support family, devote time, vote, rally, support your cause, support my cause, support their causes, sex, sex, no sex, sad, STOP life’s not that bad, could always be worse, focus-focus-focus, be kind, recycle, replenish, don’t waste, exist, co-exist, do yoga, pray, write, write, WRITE, can’t write too blocked, too much bad energy…Breathe, Breathe, Woosa… just BE! Just leave me be.  Remember to see doctor for scheduled energy healing! Breathe…

  • Finally got email opened! Oh wow a fellow “writer” (and I use the term so loosely as he is an established professional with years of tremendously important proven experience, and I just a blog) and potential mentor has finally emailed me with his critique of Catty Kitties. Oh God not good, I didn’t expect great but not even good, back to the drawing board, can’t write, can’t write, must write, can’t stop, keep hoping, remember Julia Child? Oh, that’s right today she turns 100. Who back then ever thought an American would master French Cuisine? Note to self…Create post demonstrating a modern housewife’s attempt to re-create one of her recipes, oh yeah that’s what Julie and Julia was all about, oops start over. 

Evening-

  • What’s for dinner? Turn on MSNBC, oh God turn off MSNBC. Pick up daughter……. Conversation with daughter; Her:Blah, Blah, Blah “Mom my friend stole $5.00”, Me: angry, pissed, call your friend, Her:Mommy NO!“….”I got my math quiz back, and I only got one wrong“, Me:why aren’t your corrections on your paper, how else will you know to get them right the next time?Her: Excuse, excuse, excuse... they had to do a lice check at school for everyone today,(random thought #250) do you like my hair like this? Attitude, attitude, attitude Me😦thinking)- Where is your father? oh that’s right he thinks because I don’t work I do nothing at all, all day anyway :/ never-mind
  • Sh–! I have no wine!!! What the hell was I thinking? I have no wine, a ton of writing to do, a nonverbal husband on his way home, hours of me watching him crash on the couch or hibernate upstairs with MSNBC on in the background, dinner to make, posts to write, literary criticisms to debunk, the child’s lamentations of aches and pains to lend a Mother’s concern to, the dog’s subtle sighs of boredom , the expectation that no one at all will read this post, not even my Mother, the pressure that it will be way too long and repetitive, I didn’t get to practice the guitar and I have No damn wine to drink! What the hell was I thinking? Apparently about too much of the wrong thing and not enough on the white.

End Result of the day- I was right, he is home, shockingly we managed one word salutations, I made no dinner and sh– I’m hungry, every other evening I prepared wonderful dinners and breakfast to order, who cares if I’m hungry, the dog is whining, child is running her mouth on the phone lamenting about having hiccups 3x’s today. It’s clear I need to get control of MY house. And so much for making that Julia recipe :/ Sorry Julia maybe tomorrow?

Resolution– tomorrow will me better!

Tomorrow will be better~Until then stay positive,- Madison K

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